Planning a Dance Party

The purpose of this website is to encourage traditional social dancing among Catholics, in the firm belief that this activity helps build the City of God. Done correctly, dancing encourages chaste friendship between men and women, gives the timid confidence, and breaks the stranglehold of social media, if only for a few hours.

Dr. Peter Kwasniewski and I have been arguing these points for over a week, and requests are popping into my email box for advice. I do love giving advice.

What are you willing to offer?

Would-be impresarios should ask themselves exactly what they are willing to offer. Do you envision reserving the parish hall, hiring a teacher, setting out tea and cake? Do you enjoy swing dance, square dance, contra dance, or some other kind of dance? What concretely is it that you want to do? Where do you want to do it? And what is your budget?

What do others think?

After coming to an honest and accurate appraisal of what you want to do, you should canvas the opinions of parish parents and young people with whom you are friendly. Hosting a party to which nobody comes is a confidence-crusher that might stay lodged in your memory (Halloween, 1986) for the rest of your life.

If the social circle you are envisioning at your dance is your parish, you should also discuss it with your parish priests. Tell them what it is you propose to do, and they will measure the distance they wish to keep from your project. They might even tell you in sorrow that social dancing is evil, in which case you can forget about using the parish hall.

Semi-public or private?

If you have the enthusiastic support of your priests, it might be worth opening your rented or borrowed space to all the interested people of your parish or TLM Mass congregation in a semi-public event. I say semi-public, for although it is open to anyone in your faith community, you do not want to encourage the local Trad Catholic Haters Association to come and make a ruckus.

If that sounds paranoid, yes, I am, and this is one of many reasons why my own parties are private. For my first four or five, I handed out personal invitations. I now have a Facebook group page and, having learned more about the ways of Generation Z, a WhatsApp group. My policy is that regulars may bring their interested friends, as long as they introduce them to me before the party or–in a pinch–when they arrive.

Good manners and hospitality

I am tempted to say Generation X has lavished its children with everything except an etiquette manual. I speak generally, of course. However, I have lived almost entirely in high-taxation countries where free stuff is laid on for the young from infancy until college graduation, and thus the young in these countries assume all entertainments are theirs for the taking. The young may go to this or that free event if and when they choose. The older people involved are next to invisible, especially if they are too busy organizing to greet each young person and introduce him or her to others.

This is a problem because it increases the young’s sense of entitlement, which will receive a mighty blow when they enter the workforce or give birth, it exacerbates the sense that the older generation doesn’t matter, which is insane as we have the wisdom, money and influence, and it can heighten the sense of loneliness in the attendees.

A formal dance party bridges the lavish smorgasbord of youthful activities with the responsibilities of adult life. There is a friendly gatekeeper–the host or hostess, whose party this is–to be acknowledged and thanked. And one finds oneself not a mere attendee, but a guest: a cherished person to be introduced to others and saved from loneliness, embarrassment or any other of the slings and arrows of life as the party is going on.

RSVPs

Ideally you should ask your invited guests to RSVP, that is, let you know if they are coming or not. It occurs to me only now that Respondez s’il vous plaît is misleadingly indirect, since its literal meaning is “Respond if it pleases you.” Currently it pleases only a few to respond well in advance of an event, if at all, so really hosts and hostesses should write Respond if it kills you in good clear English, Spanish, or whatever the local language happens to be.

My advice is either to contact silent guests the day before the event and ask them outright if they are coming or to give up on advance knowledge and just pray that roughly equal numbers of young men and young women arrive at your dance.

Teachers

Even in countries like my beloved Scotland, where children are taught national dances in primary school, most guests could do with a refresher of the dances they know as well as clear instruction in the dances they don’t.

Unless you yourself are a dance teacher, I highly recommend inviting a talented amateur, or hiring a responsible professional, to instruct your guests. As the host or hostess, you have other responsibilities; teach the steps yourself only as a last resort.

Music

If you want to have a proper dance party, have a proper dance party. Do not wimp out and cater to popular, i.e. the worst, tastes. Do not introduce young men and women to the delights of good music and good dancing, and then hand your guests over to rock-and-roll (or worse) so that they may flail and wriggle. That is completely counterproductive.

Your teachers should come with their own musical equipment–now as simple as a cellphone and a Bluetooth speaker–and their playlist. As the paying customer, you are well within your rights to request that your teachers not play songs encouraging sin. This may be the most embarrassing conversation you ever have or email you ever write, but have it or write it. He who pays the piper literally calls the tune.

When it comes to the waltz–sadly, there is a lot of terrible or dodgy music in 3/4 time. I love the tune to the Goo Goo Doll’s “Iris.” I love it. (Dr. K. shudders.) But unfortunately the song contains the lyric “I’d give up heaven to touch you” and was written for a Hollywood remake of a German film about an angel who chooses mortality to enjoy fleshly delights. It was bankrolled by the Deutsche Bischofskonferenz.

You should also have your own mobile phone and speaker on hand for breaks in the teaching or extra time afterwards. Creating your playlist–so much easier than making mix tapes from the radio, as we oldies did in the 80s–is a fine way for you to learn more about good music.

If you are as lucky as I am, a musician will approach and ask if he can play at your parties. You will have to discuss the feasibility with your teacher or teachers, who might prefer recordings. You should leave the logistics of instrument carrying up to your musician, as you will be too busy.

The complementarity of the sexes

Start at the beginning by teaching boys how to ask girls to dance and by teaching girls how to wait to be asked. Teach girls how to say no like a lady, and teach boys how to take it like a man.

While officially sticking to your guns about traditional roles, pretend not to notice if anxious girls are driven to asking inattentive boys to dance. Mindful of their happiness, though, subtly prod boys into doing their dancing duty.

A good teacher will include in his or her lesson admonishments about consent and proper touching. I used to stick stickers on the girls’ right shoulder blades, too.

Delegate, delegate, delegate

You may have to do almost everything at first, but if your first events are successes and you discover guests want more, you can ask the most enthusiastic to take over certain tasks so that you can fulfill your primary role, hosting, better.

If you offer tea and cookies, ask someone to make the tea, bake the cookies, and organize a squad of dishwashers. If you hire musicians, ask someone else to keep track of their movements. If you find yourself ejecting a genial drunk who has wandered in off the street, ask a young man or two to serve as bouncers. If you are selling tickets, ask your regulars to sell them for you.

Sponsoring, donations, admission fees

How much are you willing to spend? And what are the customs around payment in your geographical area?

I don’t feel confident giving advice in this area; in fact, I need advice. But I can tell you what I do.

First, because I was emphasizing to all that these were my private parties and not at all sponsored or promoted by our innocent priests, I just set myself a budget and paid for all.

Then, when I organized a formal dance with a big pricey hall and musicians, I set myself a bigger budget and sold tickets.

Finally, when we outgrew our inexpensive, small church hall and I moved my parties to a bigger, more expensive hall, I put out a donations box.

I dream of improvements to both with my parties and the big dances, but I can’t afford these things yet. If I were a real gambler, I’d increase the price of tickets and get decorators to turn the rented hall into an dazzling spectacle. Fortunately, my determination to stick to my gambling limit is stronger than my dreams of fairy lights, jazz bands, and flowers.

Opposition

When we moved from our Catholic hall to a non-Catholic hall, I introduced the Prayer to Saint Michael before every party. Not to insult the landlord, but who knows what goes on there?

Meanwhile, as a wise person reminded me just this morning, when you want to do something lovely for God and His people, the devil will try to stamp his cloven hoof on it. This could be organizing a dance, but this could also be–out of the love of God–opposing the dance. Double-win for the devil if he can hurt both Catholic camps.

Drive off the devil with prayer, and refuse to become overwhelmed with anger, resentment, self-pity or whatever else when you run into human opposition or apathy. Think about why you are–or rather FOR WHOM you are–organizing dances. If under real spiritual attack, begin to write down the names of all your supporters and give God thanks for them.

The worker is worthy of her hire

Everybody thinks I must love to dance, and I do, but I am not a natural dancer. I am definitely not a natural dance teacher. (Delegate, delegate, delegate!)

What I am is a former college chaplain trainee (yes, yes, I know: I’m a trad) who loves Catholic young people. I am also very fond of my TLM community in general. Therefore, when I organize a big dance, I don’t dance the last reel. Instead, I watch everyone else having the time of their lives, and I just revel in the joy. However faint or small, it’s a foretaste of the Beatific Vision.

Take a moment, when your dance or dance party is in full swing, to give yourself a great mental hug of glee. The project should be for God and for your community, absolutely, but the worker is worthy of his–or her–hire.