The other day I was in the loft of a converted garage reading Chapter One of the newest Polish translation of C.S. Lewis’ The Horse and His Boy. I have read the Narnia stories umpteen times in English, so it wasn’t hard to understand. And I looked forward to the hero’s first sight of Narnians, whose demeanour is described as follows:
“..[I]nstead of being grave and mysterious like Calormenes, they walked with a swing and let their arms and shoulders go free, and chatted and laughed. One was whistling. You could see that they were ready to be friends with anyone who was friendly, and didn’t give a fig for anyone who wasn’t. Shasta thought he had never seen anything so lovely in his life.
That kind of merry, friendly confidence sounds absolutely ideal, and I wish very much that boys and girls, men and women, walked, chatted and laughed just as easily together as King Edmund of Narnia and his courtiers. Of course, as girls and boys, men and women, are different from each other, their camaraderie would look different. But I do wish that joyful companionship were shared by all young men and women of our times.
Thanks to some childhood bad luck, I am not a fan of co-education. However, I do think at least some of children’s leisure hours should be spent in (well-supervised) mixed-sex activities. And I also think that Christian education should include observations that men and women, although different, are equally loved by God. Both the differences (psychological as well as physical)and the equality should be stressed. It should also be underscored that the differences do not make the other sex contemptible. Each sex should be trained in chivalry towards the other, especially when it comes to innate weaknesses. (If you would like to read something with intellectual heft on the subject, please read St. Edith Stein’s Essays On Woman or, at very least, Mulieris Dignitatem.)
Of course, two of the worst aspects of the Fall are that men can be so dangerous to women’s bodies (and souls) and women can be so dangerous to men’s hearts (and souls). This is the sad reality in which we live, but we should not allow it to poison our lives. We must take care of ourselves, but we must allow ourselves to be taken care of, too, by the very best people-of-the-opposite sex in our lives. Good men wait at late night bus stops with me to ensure I am not hurt by careless men. Good women deal honestly and responsibly with male friends and admirers. One aspect of Christian life that cannot be overemphasised is that men and women should be friends, real friends, “[f]or you are all the children of God by faith, in Christ Jesus. For as many of you as have been baptized in Christ, have put on Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek: there is neither bond nor free: there is neither male nor female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3: 26-28)
I thought many mean things about men-in-general when I was a young woman, and so today I flinch whenever I hear young women–especially ones for whom I deeply care –utter similar sentiments today. It also hurts to hear or read remarks contemptuous of women. Both misandry and misogyny stem from resentment which, even more than fear (pace Frank Herbert), is the mind-killer. Yes, trying to be friends with the opposite sex, never mind find a spouse, can be frustrating, and, yes, certain recruiting practices are unfair. However, being angry with the opposite sex is a two-edged sword, and it breaks in your hand.
The complementary of the sexes, a wonderful gift from God, is never so obvious to me than at MMWP dance. For one thing, the gentlemen have their traditional roles there, and we ladies have ours. (The rules governing them are clearly spelled out, too, a relief to those who stay if a stumbling block to those who don’t.) For another, the dances (especially the lessons) work best when there are enough women to dance with the men (and vice versa). In partner dancing, as in marriage, men and women need each other. And I can make partner dancing, at least, easier and more enjoyable by teaching men how to ask women to dance and showing women how to look friendly.
One of my favourite times at a big ticketed dance (like the Eastertide Dance; buy a ticket now!) is watching boys and men converge on girls and ladies all over the room with their dance cards. Most boys do not reach adulthood knowing how to approach girls, and so I am delighted to see “our boys” showing the merry, friendly confidence of Narnian nobles. And when I see young men and women chatting and dancing happily together, I echo Shasta’s sentiments: I’ve never seen anything so lovely in my life.
P.S. In case you don’t know, that is Queen Susan of Narnia dancing for joy with Mr. Tumnus, a faun. I strongly suspect Anna Kalinowska would deem her gown beautiful.
…
Leave a Reply