Social graces

I have a bad cold and so was unable to dance this week. And the cold got me because of a pipe that blew up in the bathroom floor, necessitating the immediate shutdown of the boiler and thus of the heating system. My shock and horror at the damage to our downstairs neighbour’s bathroom probably wasn’t great for my immune system either.

Dancing your cares away

Proper social dancing–you know, with steps and a partner or partners to consider–is usually a good way to get respite from such troubles as burst pipes. When you’re paying attention to the music and your steps and your partner’s (or partners’) steps and the general traffic of the dance floor, you don’t have time for fear, chagrin or sorrow. And if the music is joyful, it simply carries these emotions away.

Of course, if you are only beginning to dance, or you are unlucky in your partner, the dance itself might be causing fear, chagrin or sorrow. However, with enough lessons, practice, and change of partners, these negative emotions can be overcome.

Winning the first battle

Meanwhile, summoning up the courage to take a dance class is a very good thing in itself. It’s like boxing: by just getting in the ring, you’ve fought the hardest fight of all, the one against fear. Any shy or sensitive person who sets foot in a dancing class should be crowned with an invisible laurel wreath by their guardian angel.

Why are you here?

It is important to keep your goal in mind whenever you do something physically safe and yet scary. For example, before I co-taught the basic steps to the six-count Lindy (aka East Coast Swing) last month, the very idea alarmed me. However, I had two clear goals in mind: to refresh the memories of those who have already learned the six-count Lindy and to pass the art along to those who hadn’t. As I was also the hostess that day (a duplication of hats I do not recommend), my overarching goal was that everyone, including the teachers, had fun.

Beginner dancers might have a number of different goals for going to a dance class or a dance with at least rudimentary instruction, like most ceilidhs: learning a new skill, interacting with several members of the opposite sex in a safe environment, having a more unusual night out with friends or family, or simply accompanying a pal who needs cheering up. Someone at a dance class might have all these goals–and when he or she gets confused or frustrated, they should remember them. It’s not an audition for “Dancing with the Stars” or “Strictly Come Dancing.”

Rome wasn’t built in a day

They should also remember that dancing a dance, like whistling a tune or tying their shoelaces, is something they have to learn how to do. When I think of the work and tears it took me to learn to play Mozart’s “Sonatina in C” on the piano, I stop beating myself up for not quite grasping the steps to “Hamilton House” the first four times.

Meanwhile, many other people at dance class are in the same beginners’ boat, be they women or men, and in a class where there is a steady rotation of partners, you get a fresh start ever few minutes or so. And you get to practise making good first impressions. I look every new partner in the eye, smile, say “Hello” and, if appropriate, introduce myself, and thank him/her when he/she moves to the next person.

Say ‘Good-bye’ to shy

If you are shy around members of the opposite sex (or people in general), I highly recommend dance class as a way of increasing your comfort levels. If you have swung a girl all the way down the zipper formation of the Strip the Willow without injuring anyone, you are probably going to find it easier to talk to her at After-Mass Coffee Hour.

I imagine, too, that it must be salutary, if a young man don’t know what to say to girls, to discover–at dance class–that sometimes “Hello” and “Thank you” are all that he is expected to say to a whole lot of them, one after the other. If he misses a step and says “Sorry,” he will discover that instead of berating him, woman after woman will simply say “It’s okay” or “It doesn’t matter” or even “My fault.”

Dancing for Men

There are men–this rather blows my mind, but so many things I am learning about opinions on dancing are blowing my mind that it’s a wonder I ever have time to put it back in order. There are men who think that dancing is not really a manly thing to do.

Where to even begin? Maybe to say that it is sad that proper dancing could be so devalued. I can’t imagine any man from any Spanish-speaking country harbouring such an idea. It definitely makes no sense in Scotland, where Highland Dancing was originally the sport of soldiers and women first took it up during World War I to keep it going while the men were away. It also makes no sense in other countries with strong and healthy folk dance traditions. It would have made no sense to my grandfather, who spent the Second World War shooting down the Luftwaffe, or to my great-grandfather, who spent the First laying down telephone wires between trenches.

What could be deemed unmanly (and I’m only guessing here, as obviously I’m outside male codes of maleness) is undisciplined, flailing about, or the kind of dancing that has a strong “look at me, look at me” vibe. (Maybe the flashy costumes of Dancing with the Stars, etc., are to blame.) However, these forms are different from the social dancing, with proper steps and patterns, that one usually comes across at dance class or at traditional Catholic dances.

Also–and this is quite controversial from the feminist point of view–in social dancing men lead women. Most women turn up on the dance floor hoping and expecting to be led by men. These dames might be top executives, or head teachers, or command vast armies, but when they turn up at a dance, they await male invitations and male instructions. Yes, it’s true, a lot of women these days get tired of waiting, lose our nerve, and ask men to dance. However, that’s not our ideal.

Finally, partner dancing is popular among women, and so men looking for women could do a lot worse than go to dance classes to find them. I imagine there are men who think wanting to meet women is “unmanly” but apart from the Spartans, warrior monks, or the sulky MGTOW (men going their own way) movement, I can’t image who they would be.