Dancing is for everyone

This may be obvious to you, but for too long it wasn’t obvious to me: you don’t have to belong to your local “dance scene” to dance partner dances.

I may have got the idea from a professional performer friend of mine: she was and is a pillar of the Montreal swing dance scene. She danced regularly with internationally famous swing dance stars and even won awards herself. When I went out to see her at a Toronto Lindy Hop night, she tore up the floor, and men flocked about her. Montreal’s swing dance scene had served her well.

When I took up swing dancing here almost ten years ago, it was to help a friend meet eligible men. (I have since met a Catholic couple who did indeed meet through Lindy Hop, so this was not such a terrible idea.) Eventually I got enough confidence to enjoy the classes and even to stay afterwards for the socials.

I could usually count on two or three of the male beginners to ask me to dance, and I even asked men I recognized, like teachers, to dance. However, most of the time I was out of the action, an embarrassed wallflower. My inner adolescent ached with longing when the “advanced” people suddenly leapt into a spontaneous group dance, the figures to which were never explained to beginners. It looked like so much fun.

Hope sprang eternal, though, so I bought a pricey ticket for a special swing-dance weekend and, as my husband doesn’t dance, went alone. I described the subsequent horrors to the “Safer Spaces” officer in an email I realize, 9 years later, is absolutely furious. Here’s just part of it:

I have read a lot of web advice over the past half year, and I understand that nobody is obliged to ask anyone to dance. However, I did not expect to be “blanked” by almost all the men I have met at classes in [town], either as teachers or as fellow students. Although I appreciated the … ice-breaker game, there was no real encouragement to leads to take this seriously. It was never mentioned from the stage… 

The impression I got from Friday night was that of cliques, and unless you belonged to one of the cliques, or were a very advanced dancer, you might not have a chance to dance. I asked a couple of men (beginners), and a friendly female lead to dance, and after that I was just too intimidated to ask anyone else. If I smiled and said hello to men I recognized from six solid months at [X]–with one notable exception–their gazes slid past me. Incidentally, this includes men I later saw behind the reception desks.

(In case you are wondering, I always dress for swing-dancing, wear swing-dancing shoes, have only once in six months turned down a dance, have hosted a swing-dancer from abroad, chat to people exclusively about non-controversial topics, thank my teachers, ask the shyest beginning leads to dance, and have never complained before. I love swing-dancing, and I never expected [the event] to be so frosty. )

It was a hell of a weekend, but I paid £55, so I stuck with it until Sunday’s tea dance. I feel that I have learned to differentiate the four really social, generous and gracious advanced [town] dancers from what I can only describe as an [town] culture of exclusion. I begin to wonder if beginning follows are merely a means to fund [town]’s swing-dancing activities, and are not really welcome at such events as [Y].

I received a swift and sympathetic response with the advice to be patient, everyone’s been there. However, it was not enough to assuage my wrath. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned at swing dancing for three days straight.

“I don’t have to go out to be blanked by men,” I seethed to myself. “I have a man at home!”

So I quit.

That was not a mistake. What was a mistake was thinking the local swing dance community “owned” swing dancing and that without becoming one of its “popular girls” I couldn’t dance.

But nobody owns swing dancing. It’s a skill like swimming or an art like painting. You can hire whichever teachers are willing to work for you. You can download swing dance courses from the internet, or watch them on YouTube for free.* You can encourage your friends, relatives or parish community to learn to swing dance. You can check the entertainment listings, and ask your pals to commit to coming with you to a dance-friendly jazz night. You can Google “playlists for swing dancing classes,” try out the tunes on YouTube, and buy them from Apple. You can organize your own dance parties. You can drop in on swing workshops in other cities while travelling.

Really, you don’t have to belong to the “local dance scene,” to dance, especially if you’ve met the scene and determined it isn’t for you (or you aren’t for it). You can create your own alternative local dance scene. Or, even better, you can just invite your friends and acquaintances to learn to dance and spend more time dancing with them.

*Nota Bene: I’m thinking about basic, feet-on-the-floor Lindy Hop here. If your dream is to dance the acrobatic “aerial” or “air” steps, you will need live teachers (teachers with insurance, to boot). I have not got to that level yet myself.