Against ‘singles’ dances

TL/DR: Dances should be for adolescents and adults of an entire community, while acknowledging that single, childless people are the cohort most likely to attend.

Entitling a book “Seraphic Singles” showed my innocence of the marketing world. As I was flying the Singles flag while writing the blog that became the book, I didn’t consider that many would-be readers would be too embarrassed to pick it up and take it to the shop counter. At least one reviewer who received the book as a gift was not best pleased until she actually read it. (This problem didn’t exist in Poland, interestingly enough, as the English word ‘Single’ has or had a raffish connotation there, and it was apparently daring of the Catholic publisher to pair the word with “Angelic” (Anielskie) and put it on the cover.)

I learned from my readers that while thinking of ways to improve the lot of unmarried Catholics it is prudent not to underscore their single status. For example, although many of them wanted their married friends to introduce them to their other single friends, they were mortified to find themselves at a dinner party with just one single member of the opposite sex. Such blatant attempts at matchmaking were just too obvious and therefore embarrassing.

The same can be said for ‘singles’ dances. The very phrase has a kind of 1970s ring to it. I can just see the disco ball and the flared trousers. However, I it was in a later decade that my mother encouraged me to go to a ‘singles’ dance sponsored by our archdiocesan cathedral and I turned up my nose.

I did attend, though, and I was completely put off the concept by an over-enthusiastic man some years my senior whose method of asking me to dance was to reach out and grab me. Meanwhile, the dance was of the standard Toronto disco variety, meaning that only recorded pop music was played, and that of two kinds: fast and slow.

I do not recall a discernible host or hostess. I must have gone with a friend, but when it came to introductions, I was completely on my own. It now seems an extraordinary way to meet single Catholics of the opposite sex, but as far as I knew that was all there was.

Happily, dances don’t have to be like that and, indeed, historically most dances have not been not like that. Going to a dance hall full of strangers was discouraged until the Second World War. Wherever musicians played the dance music of their day, family, friends and neighbours just danced. Families with money to spend might hire musicians, clear a space in their home or barn (or have the ballroom prepared), and invite their social circle. Even if the older married people didn’t dance, they were certainly present. For most of human history, the idea of sending girls out unchaperoned to meet male strangers at dances on the off-chance that they might hit it off, pursue a chaste courtship and get married with all due pomp and ceremony was unthinkable.

At the same time, it was acknowledged that private or parish or neighbourhood dances were a good place to introduce unmarried young people to each other and their parents, for dances were held within the wider community. Dances were governed by social rules, and I would argue that most of these rules were helpful. For one thing, any man who simply grabbed a young lady would be slung out on his ear. For another, men could simply ask the host or hostess to introduce him to a dance partner.

If you continue to read my blog, you will notice that I bang on about hospitality. It is partly because I believe it is so incredibly important to making a dance enjoyable for everyone and partly because as a hostess I have to remember that this is my primary duty. There are so many tasks to juggle at a dance that paying attention to the happiness of each and every guest is a challenge. However, if the point of your dance is to create, nourish, and strengthen ties within your community, it is a necessity.

To buy tickets for the Eastertide Dance 2025, please contact me at info@tradcathsocialdancing.co.uk.